newlyweds=bad blogging?

i am a bad, bad blogger.

i think about blogging all the time. and my excuse for not doing so is kinda lame, but it's the truth-my computer lives at grandma's, and i hate my husband's computer, which is at our house.

someday soon we are moving my computer into the house (his and hers computers...aw!) and then my sporadic blogging will be a thing of the past. hopefully.

is married life much different than single life? nah. i'm still not used to writing my new name and we have to remind each other all the time to wear our wedding rings.

since we are two people in our thirties who are adjusting to married life, we still have our own preferences. thank goodness we have two televisions! some things we watch together and then we go into separate rooms to catch our other shows. we meet up during commercials and kiss, lol.

we still haven't gone to the grocery store together. i still haven't cooked a real meal in our kitchen yet.

he works nights and goes to school, and i work days. this works well because we are both bed hogs.

it's nice. i'm still me, and i'm married to my perfect match. we lie around a giggle at our dorkiness. he is exactly who i want to annoy for the rest of my life ;)

things nobody told me about weddings

since i'd never done the wedding thing before, i wasn't sure to expect. there are some things that people and magazines can tell you, but here are a few things that nobody ever told me:

-there will be people who say they will come that you are sure will come, and don't.

-there will be people who you never invited that will come, too.

-it's wierd to feel obligated to hug all the people who come through your receiving line. you will have to hug strangers, whether they are your new husband's friends or part of your new family.

-as much as you love your dress, by the end of the day, you'd rather be in your pajamas.

-you will get gifts you never registered for that aren't your taste at all.

-you will get gifts you never registered for that you love.

-you will get gifts that nobody should give as gifts, and you still have to tell that person "thank you".

-there are details that you swore you'd be meticulous about on that day that when it comes, you either forget or you decide it's not as big of a deal after all.

-there is too much going on to take it all in, and that's why you rely on pictures. for instance, other than the photo op with the cake, neither of us got any cake. and we spent a long time picking that cake out!!

-you will get asked questions all day long. you won't even remember how you answered, and someone will ask about it later.

-you need a vacation after the wedding to get ready for the honeymoon, and you need a vacation after the honeymoon to prepare to go back to work.

i now pronounce me married!

sorry i haven't blogged for a bit. i got married, have you heard?

i had been told that the actually day would go by in a blur. that was absolutely true.

my something old was my wedding jewelry, something new was my dress, something borrowed was my maid of honor's clauddaugh ring, and my something blue were my blue pedicured toes!

i was also told by several people that they couldn't believe how laid back and calm that i was. i wasn't trying to be calmer than usual....i just kind of floated through the day. probably the only time that i got a big dose of reality and my was right before it was my time to walk down the aisle, and then my heart felt like it would pound through my chest. once i got up to the altar, all was well again. it was probably just stage fright, since i don't enjoy being gawked at by lots of people AT ALL, even if i was the bride.
ever wonder what the bride and groom are whispering about while they stand up there in front of everyone? i always did. i'm sure every couple is different, but here's how our conversation went.

"you clean up nice."

"you too...i think you're supposed to give your bouquet to her."

"i know. i forgot. i will in a minute."


the day went off without a hitch, with everything going smoothly. the whole ceremony lasted just 15 minutes, and both of us were pretty happy about that. during the ring exchange, i thought for a split second that mine wasn't going to go on-my fingers are pretty swollen these days. i was fiercely whispering "push it! just push it on!" so the band fits, but i can't wear the engagement ring and the band, so it's band only for awhile. the only true near mishap was trying to haul me and that dress into the restroom (pregnant brides can't just hold it, people!). my maid of honor was very helpful but when both of us got the giggles, it was impossible to keep our composure about the situation. i also kept getting stepped on, despite my dress being bustled.

what i remember most about the day was that i was very happy and very tired. and the best part of the day was finally getting to take that dress off, because it was HOT.
my cake was beautiful, and i never got to eat any. people are still talking about what a good time they had.

and then we flew off to hawaii, and that's another blog.

so now i'm a wife. life is good.

enjoy the pics and stay tuned for more...my photographer was awesome. these pics look like stock photos, but they are all of my wedding!

if you cracked my skull, you'd see....

oh no i have so much to do/i'm so tired, i just need to lay down for a little bit/why are all these people calling me right now?/how come nobody has called me??/i can't believe i'm going to be somebody's wife!/what if he hates my dress?/i hope my pictures turn out okay.../i'm forgetting something, i just don't know what it is!/do those pew decorations need anything added to them?/i hope none of his relatives wear muscle shirts to the ceremony/the programs aren't done yet/do i even really need programs? most people just throw them away..../i hope that guys wife doesn't cause drama/i also hope my skin doesn't break out from stress/i'm so tired/hawaii is gonna be awesome/i can't wait to lay on the beach and do nothing/we SO should have eloped/i hope my veil stays put/i still don't know how we are getting those girls from the salon to the church/why can't these people work that out on their own?/that's not fair, they aren't from around here, i should be a good hostess/do i start signing my new name immediately or do i have to wait a certain amount of time?/i'm so very, very tired.....

and that's what it feels like to be four days away from married.

drifting is dissatisfying

i had a fabulous bridal shower over the weekend. my maid of honor (and bff) turned the room into a hollywood movie theme, with film reels and stars and amazing food. even the gifts for the game winners were themed-with popcorn and gift cards to the video store.

side note: i got a dyson vacuum!! it makes me happy in my heart.
..and a rockin' crate and barrel bowl...
...oh, and a sweet crock pot with a locking lid...

as i was discussing how great my shower was and the good time that was had by all, i kept hearing the same statement over and over: that parties were my bff's forte, and that was what she was born to do. thus, the reason it was so fabulous. she is a creative genius at throwing parties.

that sparked my curiousity, and a slight twinge of jealousy. it made me wonder what people would say i was good at. i feel like i'm pretty mediocre at a LOT, and maybe not a genius at anything. that's a tough but honest statement to make. i've tried a lot of things and i'm adequate, but i kinda wish that there was something that was "my thing".

according to the book i'm reading, "financial peace" by dave ramsey, if you do something you love, you make more money in general. that makes sense, because when work doesn't feel like work it's a lot easier to do. life is more satisfying when you are getting paid to do something that comes to you naturally.

i haven't loved most of the jobs i've done. the ones i have loved have been my favorites because of the people i worked with. the career i'm eventually wanting to go to school for isn't my choice because i'm in love with it, either. i chose it because it's interesting, secure and will make more money than i make now. i won't hate it, but am i passionate about it? not at this point.

maybe it's the hormones, but i feel a little lost. i don't know what i love or what i'm good at. i'm just drifting, and it really bugs me.

baby in training (not the baby you think)

i get really used to my cushy life sometimes. despite my whining on some days, i've got it really good. i try to ignore the fact that it won't stay this way.

what do i mean?

i was raised in my grandmother's house, basically as an only child. combine the only child factor with the grandchild factor, and you've got a pretty spoiled little girl. there are very few things that i didn't get that i wanted.

i think i have mostly overcome the attitude that comes with that sort of upbringing, at least to the point where other people don't think of me as a snot. i don't think i wave my gains in front of others or brag about what i have or get to do. still, in my head, i have a lot of expectations about what i can have.

this doesn't excuse it, but i am much better than i used to be. but in many ways, i'm a little childlike about money. i am pretty useless about managing it, and i can't blame it on anyone else but me at this point. sure, when i was younger, i could say it was because i was never taught and the drive was never instilled in me. now, it's a matter of being so accustomed to being rescued out of financial issues that i often don't even fear it.

that is unexcusable. it's also not something i want to pass along to my child.

i need to be taught, and i'd like it to be before being rescued isn't an option any more. i'd like to find some good reading material that breaks some of this down for me. i certainly don't have the money to get financial counseling (and i'm too proud to ask for it, that seems like an oxymoron...to get money so you can learn how to spend it better).

at the breakfast table this morning, it occured to me that i don't think my grandma truly thinks i'm an adult. and it sucks that i understand why-she babies me and i let her. it's definitely the easy way out, but i don't really respect when other people do that, so i have to change that trait in me. it's important for me to get that respect from her.

getting married and becoming a mother doesn't automatically hand you a ticket to being a grownup.

so, readers, i'm trying to pool all my resources. how were you taught about money and what's the best advice you can give? any books that you've read that really helped you?

"nothing like this" moments

my life is full of moments where i said, "there is nothing like this moment".

i cherish each and every one. i don't want to forget any detail of those moments. and every time, i'm convinced that i've experienced the happiest moment of my existence and that my smile is taking over my entire body.

being at peace at a beautiful location. realizing you've got it good. finishing a goal. being in love. saying "yes" to your soulmate.

finding out it's a BOY.

who knew that laying in such a sterile environment could bring such fuzzy feelings? my belly is smeared with clear goo and she's moving the mouse-type thing over it and my eyes are glued to the monitor.

the last time i saw him he was just a blob. i couldn't tell what was the head or feet, just that he was in there making a ruckus.

it didn't look like all the clear "pretty" ones i'd seen, where the baby is laying on their back and their sweet little appendages are distinguished and waving in the air. no, not my kid. once he figured out that we were on a manhunt for the goods, he flipped. literally. he turned and faced my spine and crossed his legs. we couldn't see a thing. he also refused to budge, despite the tech's coaxing. she kept jiggling me, trying to get him to move just a little.

thank goodness this wasn't her first trip around a pregnant belly. she maneuvered every which way until she came up around his head and then she confirmed her suspicions: team blue!

i didn't really hear anything else after that, although i think she was pointing out the heart and brain and a few other things.

all i could focus on was my face hurting from smiling so hard and eric squeezing my hand because he was so excited. there is nothing like that moment. it was the best birthday present i could have asked for.

that memory absolutely makes my heart burst, and i can't imagine something even competing. yet i know it will. there is so much more to come.

i'm living a life full of "nothing like this" moments. i hope you are too.